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Meredith Christomer

Tis Chrisdmidz time, amongst Malvern

And at the pole, beneath the ferns

A large man, who's jolly and fat

He gives us toys, and diddles cats

A criminal man, he fiddled A Wizard

Life cut short, caught in a blizzard

So if you take a feline ride

Be sure to do the deed inside

For if you stay out in the cold

Like St Nick, you won't get old.

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A week's favourite

Gunman

A crazed gunman was thwarted today, as his gun misfired and a patrolling taskforce dealt with the situation. This firearm was found on the shooter, despite the two fatalities from the shooting, there appears to be no firing mechanism nor other crucial components. Large amounts of seagulls were reported in the area prior to the event.