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Butchery

Taskforces ask civilians to avoid the downtown mercantile district, in light of the recently revealed cannibal cult massacre that took place in a local butchery. Prime suspects have escaped, and taskforces advise not to inhale or look in the direction of the butchery. A Pascal Daskachov original was found at the scene. 

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A week's favourite

One of the king's doctors does an biopsy on himself

He reported that he felt somewhat ill, and saw fit to perform a biopsy on himself in an attempt to prolong his life. Tumours spilled forth from the incision and it was decided to evacuate the room and lock the door. That sector of the Condominium is now under quarantine.