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It has begun

Reports of wildlife suffering from the same illness as the King have occurred throughout Malvern. The culprit has been executed.

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A week's favourite

Time Crimes

 Local time thieves have stolen eleven hours from public clocks. Officials have denied allegations that corporate time keeping has been affected in a recent conference. The conference was delayed for unrelated reasons. The public have been asked to refrain from referring to these events as "Time Crimes".