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Breakfast

Free breakfast has been offered to all affected by the bone pizza incident. The Ethics Committee have concerns about the sourcing of the sauce, to these concerns Corporate Moneybags has said
"Bugger off you pov shitters, accept my goddamn bribe. I own you."

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A week's favourite

Gunman

A crazed gunman was thwarted today, as his gun misfired and a patrolling taskforce dealt with the situation. This firearm was found on the shooter, despite the two fatalities from the shooting, there appears to be no firing mechanism nor other crucial components. Large amounts of seagulls were reported in the area prior to the event.
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